Lie About Santa vs. Tell The Truth – Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson | The Daily Show

By | December 15, 2022

“As someone who believes in whimsy, as someone who loves wonder, as someone who believes that a childhood has some magic in it, I think that Santa is a good starter lesson.” – Josh Johnson

“Lesson in what? Adults will lie to you?” – Dulcé Sloan

In this Holiday themed episode of Hold Up, Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson debate whether parents should tell their kids the truth about Santa Claus or not? #DailyShow #HoldUp #Podcast

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Hey everybody Welcome to hold up the Show that's a lot about a little it's It's we go back and forth quite a bit Over things that we care about that Maybe you've never even thought about Like that which is fine because these Aren't big deals these aren't Life-changing events these aren't world Altering Global topics yeah it's just uh Your co-host Josh Johnson talking to Your other co-hosts don't say slow and What we haven't talked about is my brand New nose ring Bam Bam hmm That was right I've wanted a nose drink Since I was 14 years old and I could not Get one because of acting and modeling And stuff but now your girl has an Established career so if I want to put a Piece of metal in my face Okay Like shot through the nostril oh man It's all up to you bro it hurts so bad Apparently oh really oh my God And I got bled a lot because she was Saying like I was bleeding and she was Like were you drinking yesterday and I Was like yes apparently that's why You're not supposed to get like Piercings or tattoos when you're that's Why you can't get apparently attachments When you're drunk because it makes you Bleed more because your blood's thick I Am I am indeed happy for you I'm just Glad anytime a childhood dream can come

True you know it hurts so much and I got So overwhelmed but while she was in the Middle of doing it she was like I'm Proud of you and for some reason Oh my God I'm gonna tear up again it's Like it made me feel so much better Because she was like I'm proud of you You did a good job I love you you're Doing a good job and I was like And all because like you it's it's so Much pain at once and it's your face so You just freak the [ __ ] out for like a Second but she was like you're doing a Good job I'm so proud of you and so to Be in that moment where I'm in that much Pain but then for somebody to like be Very comforting and sweet it like really Just kind of Almost reset my brain a little bit uh Her name is Janiece it's live by the sword tattoo All right well yeah shout out to her and Yeah she's doing a great job and making You feel comfortable making you feel Seen and loved and held you know yeah Because she calls herself the gentle Piercer and I was like there's still a Needle going through my nose Um but now I get it like oh it was Really nice and then she found some Studs for my second hole in my ear Because these shits you know when you Get something done in the flea market You know you get what you pay for it uh

You'd have thought they would have Healed up by the time I got out of the Ninth grade but hey man we're all out Here doing our best I think if you are About to get a flea market tattoo though Any any person out here listening to the Podcast thinking about getting a tattoo From your local flea market you know Right after you go the farmer's market I Would say maybe maybe Hold up on that take a second yeah take A second to think about it think about If the artwork you want done can be done By anybody else that's an actual tattoo Shop now not to say somebody who's in The flea market is not good no no it's Not about them being good it's about Them having the proper tool you know What it it's like it's like when you're Watching a mob movie all right and the Person that that the mob is after or or The other mob is after I should say or Even the police the person that's in the Mob gets all shot up by somebody yeah And then they take them to the Mob Doctor's house and the Mob Doctor always Has the same speeches like why are you Coming my home it's like well sir we Know where you live and we were in a Hurry okay so also we've been here six Times this week yeah but they're like Why'd you come to my home and I can't do It here he needs real surgery we got to Go to a hospital that's all I'm saying

That Mob Doctor is still a doctor he's a Veterinarian but he's still a doctor you Know but he cannot with the tools he has Available to him do his job to the best Of his ability but if I have a booth in The flea market because I've seen tattoo Artists in a flea market before mm-hmm They have all of the same tools that You'll see oh okay I mean I've never got A tattoo before so maybe it's all the Same stuff it's just the machine my Friend the tattoo I have on my hand Mm-hmm Wait no no As someone who knows you I know the Tattoo you're talking about But Josh Johnson we wanted enough Tangents today I think it's time for us To talk about the topic at hand the Topic at hand is Santa Claus Santa Claus Old Saint Nick Chris [ __ ] Kringle Himself And I know the audience is wondering Wait a minute if they're talking about That they're Santa Claus we can't be Talking about whether he's real or not Because we already know the acid records The question is should we be telling the Children About this man Or not Okay that is the question Tell the people what side you fall on

When it comes to the existence of Santa Claus should we be telling the Children or not because you was ready to Go you was trained to Go Uh as someone who believes in Whimsy As someone who loves wonder you try You try I don't love Whimsy and wonder Wow the As someone who believes in magic [Music] We're both friends with Matt Richard so Yes we would believe in magic mattress Is amazing Who Who believes That a childhood Has some magic in it has some has some [ __ ] childhood Josh A whole childhood You know Um I think That Santa Is a good starter lesson I think it's uh I think it's worthwhile Endeavor lesson In what adults will lie to you yes that That too what's your lesson because my Lesson is adults will lie to you I mean Adults will lie to you is a great one That's no one is disputing that like That Let's get that one out the way all right You looked into the eyes of a child and You lied your face

Hey so now when this child instead of Being two is 22 and there's another Grove person in their face trying to lie They'll be like I remember this I've Been living through this for two decades All right I'm ready I'm prepped okay in Your world with no practice they'd be Like oh yeah sure you must own this House as a poetry major you know what I Mean so then that's my thing is that you Know it helps it helps instill a sense Of how the world works I think it Introduces fantasy In a way that is both uh fun and has Stakes You know and has a payoff at the end Okay Once again Incorrect ah I remember telling some evil woman that I used to work with not evil hateful Hateful little woman that I used to work With that when I was growing up because It was like around Christmas time or Whatever and I said when I was growing Up you know my mom never mm-hmm Told us that saying it was real she Didn't tell us he wasn't real But she never said that he was and he Was she was like Oh you you she tried to tell me that I Had a bad childhood Because my mother didn't tell me that Some fictional white man was breaking

Into our house To bring me presents and I was like you Think my entire childhood Was bad for this one Let me let me get up because I almost Said something that was gonna get me in A fight that day there are so many other Things that happened like I didn't grow Up with a father you think that affected Santa Claus you think Santa Claus was Participant that's what you think took My childhood out Was one [ __ ] once a year Claiming to do something that he didn't [ __ ] do But look Did you ever did you ever wonder what it Would have been like to sit in Santa's Lap and tell him what you wanted and Then get it I would have I wondered more What it would have been like to sit in My father's lap and tell him what I Wanted and get it Fair enough [Laughter] Your father's supposed to be there every Day Santa comes but once a year Yeah yeah The thing is as a child I never I never Believed in it because it never made any Sense to me well on top of it this is The other thing too because you run into This when you're trying to tell the Story of Santa uh to children who are

You know inquisitive Um some would say precocious not stupid Wow I took gifted classes Starting from 10 years old I was never a Dumb child I learned how to read because My cousin could read Because this is This is the most [ __ ] up part about This Santa thing plenty of children go Hey it doesn't make any sense that this Man is on a sleigh being pulled by Livestock by [ __ ] deer Across the planet dropping off presents Right even though they'll do the Santa Tracker on the [ __ ] news and you know I've always wondered what they do all The letters that people send out Because I'm sure they just burn them at The end they can't keep them There's just too much space right to do With burning of these things I hope they Burn them they gotta do something shred Them turn them into more paper help Somebody right so the thing that was Always the most deceptive of the Santa [ __ ] is that you would have a child Going this doesn't make any sense this Can't be real And then an adult goes yes it is And the child's like but wait a minute How did but how does he get across the World it's magic what I would listen I Could believe in Bigfoot before I could Believe in Santa Claus once again more Practice all right because what because

As an adult right now you know that There are things that logically as a Smart person you look at and you're like This doesn't make sense but it is what It is isn't it and now you're learning To live in a world where things don't Make sense they don't make sense right We both know they don't make sense you And I have discussed things where we're Like yo Are we on the same page does not make Anything and you're like yes but it is What it is and then you're now learning To cope in a world that doesn't make Sense that is unfair and full of lies Right but the other thing is is that You're giving us a thing you're giving Us a lie that's not even attached to It's like as a child I could never Figure out what Santa Claus had to do With the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ It would have made more sense to me if The three kings that came and brought Presents to the baby Jesus Came to children to give them presents And I under I know the whole thing is Saint Nicholas we've all seen that [ __ ] what is it claymation stop Motion we've also yeah yeah right yeah So one dude and I don't know what was it The Netherlands or [ __ ] one of them Places yeah somewhere cold somewhere Cold and white gave children presents

And then all of a sudden we were like Yeah and then he did it to the whole World of my way no this doesn't make any Sense so for me it's the Smith came About because one man one white man did One thing and we can't forget Like Columbus and so Instead of just him being one of the Many in the pantheon of saints Now We're sitting on we put our children Growing men's laps and malls who came up With going to the mall Santa who came up At the mall Santa why do they have to Sit in his lap Who is this pervert that came up with This You knew I was going to say it you knew Yeah no I knew you were gonna say it I I This is what I will say okay how about This I'll I'll extend another olive Branch that is not so much about the Telling as it is about The employability okay let's be honest You see a dude who look exactly like Santa spitting image of Santa right Right and you don't really have a job Don't really have much going on in his Life okay why not at least let him get Some seasonal work Um The other 11 months of the year You've done some Santa work in November Yeah 11 and a half months you have to

Start with things yeah yeah start with Thanksgiving 11 and a half months yeah This [ __ ] ain't got it Okay But because he doesn't have it let's Give him something let's give him Something to do you you out here you're Old all right you you got you got a Bellowing voice that nobody can really Tell where your diaphragm is your Diaphragm is in your foot You got a big beard because no matter How much you cut your hair it just Spring you don't even get five o'clock Shadow okay you get six o'clock Nightfall all right I hear it every day And you got a rosy cheeks and a button Nose and all this other [ __ ] listen I Can hit it maybe you're an alcoholic Maybe it's because they have you know They have a taste for the four local a Taste for The Malt Liquor maybe they Just have something that gets things a Bit a bit Rosy in the cheeks absolutely Which you don't want is an elderly white Man addicted to Four Loco I'd rather no No it's a problem no did you say you'd Rather he Drake crack Crown Oh I thought You said rather be Drake crack and I was Like incredible [Laughter] An old white man built like Santa drink A crack would be a holiday miracle Get over here get over here real quick

Listen Sir again my name is Kevin yeah uh sir My name is Officer Williams okay Rudolph Listen You know it's oh you know this is Regular tropes you know Santa employs Child labor I get it I don't have a Problem with that because I think what I Don't understand is are elves always Children I was under the impression that elves Were never children I was under the Impression they were elves no you have To be a baby to be an elf to be it's a Big creature but what's a grown elf a Grown elf is still an elf yeah but maybe Alpha's still an elf then why are those Elves with him look 40 But sometimes they look like kids Sometimes but a lot a lot of those elves Be looking Keebler when you see those North Pole pictures and stuff Well one that's not a real place Oh wait a second wait wait a minute Second hour a day wait wait a moment Tell me about these North Pole pictures We we have waited to what a third of the Way in to start talking about what R and Are real places The North Pole is a real place but them Pictures are talking about the North Pole pictures those are the mall in Santa Monica No no I understand I

Thank you who do you think you're Talking to like this is this is crazy I can't tell you make those North Pole Pictures and I'm like what North Pole Pictures I remember some Mall pictures I'm talking about in the cartoons of Talking and yes the Santa Monica mall Pictures a lot of materials a lot of These elves have beards So in my mind they're not kids well it Depends on the casting because in some Of them they're children And some of them they're adults and then Another ones are just old children Whereas like as a child but they're a Thousand years old or like 500 years old What is an old child Do you mean an adult no because that's What happens when kids get old enough You know I've never heard anybody be Like oh yeah my baby over there he 800 Months [Laughter] You ever seen the movie The Santa Claus With uh Tim Allen mm-hmm So you know when the movie like we're Getting in the movie he starts and it's Like He's like there's kids in here he's like Why are there kids in here shouldn't They be at school and he was like that Kid's 400 years old you see them that's What I'm saying I see because they're Elves

They look like children some Classification of my elves look like Children forever that's what I'm saying So when I say old Child old child When you say that's what I meant yeah Yeah you somehow still don't mean grown You mean an actual old child just a Dusty old Thursday Also 800 months old is 66 years old Because we we decided that after 18 Years we might as well just act like You're an adult even if you aren't Listen I think 18 I've been saying this When I was 18 18 is not an adult Really no I feel like it starts earlier Than that but to be an adult yeah yeah [ __ ] that there's a lot of people there Are a lot of people I remember when I Was like 16 and I just uh in my with my Peers I was like oh some of y'all Especially when somebody's like on on on The spectrum of Good and Evil right when Someone is very very good and they Actually have so much emotional Intelligence that they know what to do In every situation things that almost Can't be taught they know what to do in Lots of situations they know how to Nurture people they know how to care for People all that stuff like that I'm like You I understand we're both 16 right now But you come off obviously you come off Way more uh you're six mature than my

16. exactly and then when somebody is Evil I've met people who were actually Too evil nothing even and I'll I'll go Out on Limb and say it just because I Knew him well enough none nothing in Their life had happened bad enough to Teach them how to be this evil and they Were already this evil I'm like Y'all are you need to be tried as an Adult sir like like that no I was trying To say to somebody that like we were Trying to like me and uh me and other Guy were trying to talk to one of our Friends because it's one of those like Another one of those shootings that mass Shootings had happened and we were like Some [ __ ] are just born Evil And she's like no I think that if you're Evil enough I was like no she was like And I was like we were like nah [ __ ] no No no no summer [ __ ] come out the Womb wanting pure chaos death and Destruction and you don't know why they Don't know why I go back and forth like Let's say we didn't know each other Right yeah and I was on trial and you Were and you were in the jury oh you Know I don't know I don't I don't Because here's the thing you'd either be For me and it'd be and you'd really have To be convinced that I did something or You'd be against me and it'd be like

Um look I know you got all this evidence He didn't do it but I saw his face and It's like it's like oh my gosh Now you know me you know me you know I Be reading [ __ ] the house down Boots as the kids say I'm out here reading this and I am Getting my summer readings together I'm Gonna get these Pizza Hut coupons I am Reading for the children I am the lie Brerry and sometimes you just catch a Vibe behind somebody and you're like ah Oh let me stay the [ __ ] away from you There's just certain people like that We're just like especially as like a as A woman there's just certain like some I Got a guy come with me he's like hey can I just went nope and I walked on my Phone I was like what happened I was Like girl I was gonna end up on the [ __ ] news if I talk to that man And look I'm just saying they would have Found me in various appliances I've got a broken [ __ ] Barbie they Just saw me back together I look like That damn [ __ ] from uh what's the uh [ __ ] nightmare before Christmas they Had to stitch me back together like a [ __ ] tour dog [ __ ] that I want to open gasket I Promised my mom and dad if I go first You gonna see me [ __ ] [ __ ] that I'm I'm Simply saying that based off what we've Talked about some people

They I feel like they grow up at a Different like level and layer and look Just to bring it all back I felt the Same way about Santa right I was told About Santa and I stopped believing Pretty young right but then I think I was I think I was eight so From like that makes sense those kids That still believe in Santa at like 12 And 13. we're always like oh okay Yeah but you see that's another lesson That's another thing that helps uh helps You evaluate your peers right is that I Think this person we were all we were All so the same bill of goods not Obviously not all because there's Different people who don't celebrate Christmas and it's I'm just saying out Of the mix of people who were sold the Same bill of goods there's some people That fell for it some people that didn't Fall for it some people that fell for it And then figured it out pretty quick and Then some people who are still just uh Living a dream Listen and I think the thing that always Bugged me because I remember in school Not believing in Santa and being told Because I never believed in them Because to me just didn't make sense and I think the other reason that my mother Did not perpetuate this is because my Mother worked hard she raised me and my Brother by herself and so

Because of that I don't think she wanted Us to because she's like she would get Us there'd be like You know when the gifts would be from Yourself I'm like your sibling one of The gifts would be from her and one of The gifts would be from Santa you know What I mean among the gifts that we got And there was always a Santa gift And by the time I was like Hey I was Like you know I'm believing Santa right And my brother's like I don't either she Was like okay but we still got the Santa Gift and the Santa gift was the gift That we didn't know what we were going To get right yeah some stuff we picked Out and then some stuff we get is a Surprise gift so I was like this concept But none of us believed it I just could never get like okay we've Attacked with this Kris Kringle thing Whatever Christmas was like this is the birth of Christ this is what we're doing right Because I don't like I remember like Asking a girl I was friends with in College like you know She was like because she had we were Cool but she had a slick mouth sometimes One day I asked her I was like Why do you because she was a staunch Atheist right to the point where she was Rude like most AC most atheists are it Is always like it's always good to me to

Atheists who doesn't tell you they're an Atheist Because usually when you meet an atheist That's when I'm like that's their whole Personality Yeah it depends on the person because I Feel like there are people who atheism Is kind of that um That uh strain of CrossFit or veganism Or something where it's like if you get Into it enough especially if you get Into it after growing up religious I Think that it becomes a big um it Becomes a big marker for you because You're being Journey changed right Because you're it's like you're being Defiant right but I asked her one day I Was like wait if you're an atheist Why are you celebrating Christmas And she said what do you mean I said Christmas is this I mean it's most of The name Is Still the name it's Christ right it's Christ Moss right you're getting extra Extra this is the beginning of the Christ the Christ child is born And she was like well you know Christmas Is a religious holiday and I was like [ __ ] what Do you mean I said of course it is Because that's why people who aren't Christian that's why Jews don't Celebrate it that's why Muslims don't

Celebrate it and Buddhists all the on All of these other religious Hindus all Of these other people of other religions Don't celebrate Christmas Because they're not Christian And she's like well it's an American Holiday and I said it's literally a Religious holiday It's probably American thing a person could say dude Because it's like you know when you go To you know Ecuador At Christmas time they're gonna have Christmas Christmas when you're in the Philippines when you go to Mexico Mexico Kenya China Hey Afghanistan anywhere that has Christmas time is always Christmas time I did find out one of my my old boss her Husband Was Romanian Orthodox and they celebrate Christmas on a different day Oh yeah some some people do this thing Of like it's the general time But yeah I've heard of some people some People even have their Like like people who do go to church for It and stuff have their church service On the day some of them have it the day Before some of them only really have it The Sunday leading up too right so You're talking about Christmas being Non-related she was like yeah and I was

Like so you're celebrating presents and Gift giving what are you Girl she was so angry at me it probably Didn't help that we were at her house Making Christmas cookies and I was like So why are you celebrating this holiday This is crazy What are we even doing yeah literally Stirring things up you know With your words [Music] So you know kente claws one my brother Has a picture with black Santa for when He's a kid and two Like just like different cultures will Have like their Jesus like kind of like Tuned up to what they look like yeah Yeah let's get their clothes because I Follow the real Black Santa on Instagram Yeah yeah But also I was like well There's a lot of Korean churches right because Koreans You know You know Koreans [ __ ] with Jesus A lot Of them do when Santa comes to the Korean church is it a white man or is he Korean look I think that that does Depend on the culture i you you reminded Me of Lord what did I remind you of what time My friend Okay This is who knows if anyone will find

This body [Laughter] So you know how sometimes when you're Grow when you're growing up different Kids just have different like home Situations their parents have different Levels of income right yes yes and I Remember one time I was I I don't know If it was an after-school thing or if it Was soccer it was some it was some Extracurricular thing because me and This kid did not go to school together Right right and I asked him you know What Santa got him for Christmas because We're all little we're like Seven or something right And I'll never forget this because even At the time I was like even without Understanding jokes yet because you know You you laugh when you're a kid and Stuff like that but I didn't understand Jokes like I wasn't a joke writer when I Was seven you know and so but I still Understood like puns and word play and Yeah this kid and he's still probably to This day doesn't know how funny What he said was But uh but I asked him what he got for Christmas I would say give if this kid Said all set all I got from Santa this Year was a cold right because he went to The mall and Santa was clearly sick that Day right so they said over here like What do you want for Christmas

[Laughter] And so this kid said he literally was Like laid it back from Santa a little Bit because he's in his lap but he's Like Santa over here like sniffling like Using his beard to wipe his nose and Stuff and it was like he was like I Think I got a cold and I think I got it From Santa cause like nobody in my Family is sick Edit but so I guess he didn't even get Any presents that's what I'm saying yes That's why I thought maybe some Listeners might not find the entire Story funny but I I feel like it's Important and it's an important lesson Because we were talking about lessons Which is one of the reasons I have The Stance that I have but you keep saying That like say it but these lessons don't Seem like Fun lessons like it's not all lessons Supposed to be fun I hear you but it's Like it seems to be like oh you asked Santa for this new toy truck and you got Socks right you don't know that your Family can't afford this new toy truck You just know you got socks or you asked For You know something outrageous it's like Okay you have no athletic skills in any [ __ ] form or fashion and you wanted This expensive baseball glove

And your parents got you a truck They didn't it's not the Santa didn't Hear you is that they know you have no Athletic skills yeah yeah and the money They would have spent on this baseball Glove because you want to be a baseball Player and you have [ __ ] two four you Have four left feet stuff could get Blamed on Santa but then when you but But think about like then you become a Like you get a little older you learn Santa's not real and it's like okay well Then why didn't I get my baseball glove Yeah yeah poverty yeah or or just like Or just general like nah we weren't Gonna no I'm doing we're not doing that Over here so it's like yeah I guess I've Never understood the point of the magic Of Christmas is the Virgin birth so I Don't know if we added in more magic Because it's around the solstice time And you know trying to convert pagans Into Christianity so you put it at that Time which is why they say Easter is a Time that it is that's why the Easter Bunny and the eggs I'll go along with Easter that's always been confusing for Me also did you know I know I didn't know until I was a full I'm talking about Graduated from college found this out Okay did you know that the Easter Bunny Is supposed to bring you an Easter Basket like Santa brings you presents

Yeah yeah no really no why did you think They were selling Easter baskets I just Thought it was a thing because it was a Bunny and Bunions and eggs going on A big coffee because Easter was Resurrection Day yeah yeah absolutely so It was like my aunt my godmother would Give us Easter baskets but I because my Mother never really told us that Santa Claus were and she definitely wasn't on But she's like I'm not telling you I was Like I asked her as an adult I was like Why didn't she's like I wasn't gonna do That I'm with him he said it wasn't the point I'm with you I I think that I didn't so You so wait did you get an Easter basket I did get a Easter basket some years There was one year where I'm like I Don't know if I there's there's a year Where the it started to Gap a little bit I can tell you Easter baskets for once You get past the age of like nine Easter baskets suck Yeah they're not good no I'm once you're Older like when you're a little kid it's Like here's little little toy like Little things and then once you get Older it's like you put a [ __ ] Football in a basket I didn't want Yeah yeah what why is my basketball in Here half of these things huh or I only Want half of these things also I think

It's weird that like in America we say Merry Christmas but in the UK in the UK They say happy Christmas and I'm like You [ __ ] seem like the one Who'll be using the word Mary Yeah no that is Switched I think pretty Heavily like that's like that's that Seems like we should be saying happy They should be saying Mary Mary Now okay this this is where because you Were mentioning the lessons you were Mentioning lessons but also it's I don't Understand I guess I've never understood The point like like for instance like I Don't understand the point of the Easter Bunny Either Because Christians only got two holidays Yeah the Easter Bunny is to me like Almost indefensible it doesn't make any Sense to me uh no I'm like where does Things come from who sent him at least Saint Nicholas I think was an actual Saint right yeah and and and it's a Bigger thing overall in the world so Santa Claus there are some countries That have Babushka there are some Countries that have like there's there's So many different versions of this same Thing that they're doing isn't it uh the Dutch dude that has a Slave I I know about like black Pete but I Don't know if that's Santa to them

Yeah so children are taught to believe They receive their presence from Saint Nicholas who is accompanied by a black Servant called black Peter Adults will dress up as Saint Nicholas And black Peter a white person painted In blackface and visit children and Adults so yeah black Peter is is a Servant he's a slave and they are trying To stop them from dressing in blackface And they're like but it's a tradition And there's only 17 black people here so How are you gonna stop the Dutch is the Netherlands so I don't know how many of Us live there Um I don't do cold white countries [Music] So like in the UK they say happy Christmas instead of Merry Christmas But then they call Santa Claus Father Christmas which makes more sense than Santa Claus Anna versus I feel like Father Christmas gets a Little too close to like confusing the Children you know okay because it's like Father Christmas Feels too much like Jesus's dad Whereas Santa Claus feels like a totally Different character okay you know like I I I used to hear people say father Christmas I was like I don't know if I'm With that one you know that makes sense

I mean I still always it just made Always made more sense to me because It's like oh we get presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got Presents well if your presence on Christmas because the baby Jesus got Presents then why is it that why are the Three wise men is the one bringing us The presents no that so when you said That at the beginning of the episode That made a lot of sense to me and I'm Surprised no one has done that as a I'm Surprised that thing never caught on if There's such a shared understanding of The story of Christmas Um I think that for me when it comes to Telling kids about Christmas the the the Second side the UN the unfair and the Sad side of the lesson and everything is Is the disappointment you know because Like they're like you know Santa sees You when you're sleeping he knows when You're awake so Santa's a [ __ ] Stalker which is a joke that's been made A million times but I get it it's like It's like that whole Elf on the Shelf Thing where it's like hey this tiny L's Gonna watch everything you do and then If you mess up he's got like I've heard People go if you act bad you're gonna Tell Santa and it's like then what did You do the other 11 months of the [ __ ] year when your child was acting Like a maniac mm-hmm have you using

Santa dog you're in just in a strong March Just flying through April going Santa Santa's like this child is four he Doesn't remember yesterday like why are You telling him about like throw anyone With Santa but it's like I remember like The first time like learning about the Story of Christmas right the Virgin Birth the going there's no room at the End he's born in a manger Weezy F baby Right so I remember the whole time hearing this Whole story in the three in frankincense Myrrh gold you know the stars and all This other stuff I remember going But where is Santa my mother was like What I said where's Santa If this is the story of Christmas where Is Santa And she was like great question and then She had to explain to me how Santa was Not involved with the baby Jesus and I Was like so he wasn't there he's like no So remember the school being like well If Santa wasn't there why is he here now Coca-Cola yeah wake up wake up Understand that there's there's a bigger Thing at play okay than your little Holiday there's a grind happening oh no No Santa been on a grind for decades now The Coca-Cola Bottling Company

So is it called cold pollen coming That's what that's what we call a Partnership okay Santa is a brand Ambassador all right pushing this Coca-Cola to the children to the Americas okay I wish that I could be on My hustle the way Santa is all right say You live somewhere like Australia okay Christmas Comes it's hot Yeah Christmas Comes it's hot or Florida [ __ ] sure sure On Christmas it is very interesting Because it's like one year my brother Got a Super Soaker for Christmas because It was Miami in December Yeah yeah and and I'll tell you what I'll tell you what right now you want to Talk about Australia you want to talk About Florida whatever Santa makes it Over there too because he's on his grind All right On a hundred thousand going how many Miles per hour it takes to get from Australia to the North Pole to Florida He does it all in one night In one night all right one night if you Told me that all I had to do to have a Nearly year off was to grind for one Night I'd do it listen but I think I Remember as a kid almost trying to Justify it I was like okay there's Probably a whole countries that he gets To skip there are countries that he gets To skip but he also got the plan and he Got the logistics right you never see

Somebody ever tap their Temple that's Actually saying something smart okay You see what I'm saying right here we Got the logistics down all right he got His routes already planned out he got The L's because that's the other thing That people don't realize is sometimes Sometimes it's about Synergy sometimes It's about building yourself up and then Having people under you so then you got Santa right here right and then he got Five elves that also got five elves that There were their friends then they each Get five L's and so you get a little Triangle going right and then a real Pyramid We don't really use words like that Because that's that's the type of stuff That haters say okay so anyway you got Your triangle of success but listen if You want a triangle of success would you Rather have a one side or would you Rather have a triangle With four sides I mean now you're Thinking now you're thinking that that's Actual hustle that's that Once again I don't know it's not clicking for you About what's helpful and what's hateful Okay So you only do three-sided pyramids You know I can tell I can tell when Somebody not gonna take the mission Seriously like I could tell with

Somebody No no no I can tell that's that's cool That's cool I get it you aren't ready to Receive the message you know you're not Really ready to be on it like Santa's on It okay so when do you buy One I found out that Uh because for some reason the Conversation of the genders of the Reindeer came up because okay Because why not because why the [ __ ] not And somebody was saying that all of them Were male And then I was looking at and it's like They weren't apparently all of them Would have to be Female including Rudolph Including Rudolph oh okay because of the Time of year and also female reindeer Also have antlers let's Google this what I'm saying is that there's a lot of Things that we ask because it comes to Stuff like this uh Because like we're trying to do the Logistics we're trying to like oh it Already I said we're Santa's reindeer Here we go Dasher dancer Prancer Vixen Comic keeper daughter and Blitzen and Yes even Rudolph are ladies the original Eight first introduced in the 1823 poem A visit this is so funny who runs the Sleigh girls science says Sanders Rey Deer are all actually female and this is In People magazine let me tell you

Something that just makes me respect Santa even more all right because it Makes me respected more women oh so the Males of the species shed their headgear Mid-December Mm-hmm so they wouldn't have so while These dudes out here with busted tail Lights right right Santa was like ladies We gotta do we we it's up to us all Right is you me and the elves wherever They are the Santa Is I think is good for the children no He's not it's the thing is it's there Are parents that work very hard very Hard To give their children Christmas Might work an extra job you remember the Footage from the chick of the Elmo's When the women hey I'm with you yeah Yeah I just fought seven [ __ ] in a Target at two in the morning to get your Little asses Elmo I threw bows for you I Threw bows for you yeah I'm with you I'm Just saying it's ripped I don't I didn't Even bring my purse your mom did it Perfectly your mom did it perfectly some Of the presents are from me some of them Are from Santa parents work really hard To give their kids Christmas and this [ __ ] gets all the credit Now I listen I gave multiple people black eyes For you to get this Teddy Ruxpin

I had to Bow somebody else to get two of Them because I didn't work for you and Your brother And you're gonna go thank you Santa Santa's not icing his knee right now Santa does not have frozen peas on his Knuckles right now Then that's the gift that comes from Mom All right but the plaid shirt can be From Santa why don't you knock Santa Down a peg I'm saying if you're if You're taking this route I'm saying to The parents how about you be a little Bit more inventive how about you make it So that when you have to tell your kid That Santa's not real they're like I Didn't like his presence anyway this Dude was garbage day one okay kept Giving me socks and underwear you know What every year if you if you really Worried about this I'm just gonna say in Order for your kid to vote I think this Is a good middle ground between the two Of us we don't usually do middle grounds But I'm gonna try right okay I think a Good middle ground between the two of us Is go ahead and tell your kid about Santa but for every Christmas when they Ask Santa for all the stuff you get the Stuff that they want from Santa and then You put the gift under the tree from Santa and it's just crackers It's just Saltines you know And look some kids love crackers some

Kids will be like oh my gosh Saltines I Needed some of these goldfish but uh Overall you can be like all right look Santa clearly not coming through heavy With the presents and so then years from Now hopefully just a couple when you Have to tell your kid that Sam's not Real they get to learn a lesson about Life and they're not as let down because Now they know you were the one putting In the work for those presents to begin With Okay but yeah we'll kick it to you the Listener you know how do you feel about Do you think that people should be told About Santa should not be told about Santa do you think it's harmful or Helpful do you think that we did a good Job presenting to you the facts of our Argument and some pretty good along the Way things thank you for listening to Hold up uh you can catch me on the Socials socials damn it at dual say Sloan on everything and you can also Check out Josh Johnson Um I'm Josh Johnson comedy on Tick Tock Instagram YouTube Find me at those places Um I also do a podcast called the Josh Johnson show you can check out Um and other than that I'm just looking To be around meet you hit me up you know I want to hear about your day I'm just

Chilling you know tell me a crazy story I love to hear Thank you for listening to hold up ho ho No ah Tell your kids about Santa [Music]